Swearing is racist, sexist and ageist.

Australia is one of the most potty-mouthed nations on Earth. Language that once got you suspended from broadcasting is now just… Tuesday.

F****d is our favourite noun, verb and adjective. How boring.

You hear swearing everywhere: people walking down the street swearing loudly into their phones, in workplaces and offices, aged care settings, playgrounds, funerals, kids sporting events and even...on stage.

And I’m here to tell you: it’s got to bloody stop.

I'll focus on the stage-swearing.

Somewhere along the line, swearing became a shortcut to being “relatable”, “authentic” or - heaven forbid - “edgy”.

How edgy is swearing in 2025?

It’s the verbal equivalent of David Brent.

But that's not why I dislike swearing. I swear in my personal life—quite a bit—but I never swear on stage or in writing because as Seinfeld said: swearing is lazy. Force yourself not to swear and suddenly you’ve got to be more creative. You have to actually express something differently with greater specificity.

Swearing signals “I couldn’t think of anything better.” Smart people - who are, give or take, 20% of the population - notice that.

I once watched surfing legend Layne Beachley take the stage and warn the audience several times that she wasn’t “politically correct”.

In practice, what this meant was two things: she was barefoot and she swore a lot.

Layne's actual content - which went down a treat - was her own story mixed with lots of contemporary self-help stuff. It was not in any way politically incorrect or counter-cultural.

If you think swearing makes you dangerously politically incorrect or rebellious, I’ve got news: these days, not swearing is the real rebellion.

But how is swearing racist?

We’re a multicultural country (have been for a while now.) And here’s a stereotype that may sound broad but is broadly true: our major, more recent migrant communities aren’t big swearers in public and professional settings.

They also tend to be polite enough not to complain but I’ve seen audiences close themselves off to speakers who swear constantly or express things crudely. (I once saw mega author and fantasist Bryce Courtenay lose half of a huge and adoring room when he got repeatedly scatalogical and sexual.) It was utterly avoidable.

Swearing is white priviledge. It says: I don't care for your standards, you will lower yours to mine and your audience is silently judging you accordingly. Would you invite a vegan and serve them brisket?

We live in an era where language is policed like never before—where a single wrong phrase can have you thrown in the basket of deplorables. And yet swearing is given a free pass by the very same guardians of what is and isn't acceptable. Those that are so quick to throw around claims of sexism! racism! and ageism! are awfully slack on swearing.

Swearing is sexist

Fellow men, pay attention!

Overwhelmingly the swearing I see on stage emanates from men. Funny about that. Men who swear too much give off a 1970s football-coach vibe—hardly fashionable.

If we’re serious about being less toxically masculine, more sensitive, more inclusive an easy step is simply not swearing or cutting right back. I’m not asking you to be bland nor woke. I’m not saying you can’t show passion, anger or use surprise to wake up an audience. Just do it without relying on the same four words everyone else uses.

(And yes, cutting out swearing would end Tom Gleeson’s career. When the F-word is your main comedic device, you’re pretty exposed.)

Swearing is ageist

Fact: older people are more far likely to take offence at swearing so if you want to be inclusive of their standards drop the cussing.

I love language, and I try to use it in interesting ways. Swearing is the opposite: unoriginal, unimaginative, boring, and boorish.

Offer

If you’re a speaker who’d like to cut down the swearing but can’t quite manage it, call me. I’ll give you alternatives - better, sharper, more interesting than the hack stuff you’re relying on now.

You'll be more persuasive and interesting and nobody will ever complain about your lack of saltiness.

Thank you. Now bugger off.